Sure, it's a total cop out to blame society's problems on the fact that we're no longer living in "the good old days." But does it still count as a cop out if it's true? I don't think so. I'm biased, though, because nothing you can say or do will convince me that the 90's weren't way sweeter than the 00's. Need proof? Here you go, kiddo:
Modesty Matters
The 90’s were a classier time, as evidenced by the fact that girls weren't constantly dressing like hussies. (I’ve got two words for you, dude: DENIM OVERALLS. Full. Length. DENIM. OVERALLS.)
Me? I’m Just Surfing on the World Wide Web
The internet was still rad. I don’t know about you, but I think the ‘net reached its peak when the only thing it was used for was creating poorly designed Geocities sites and chatting on AOL with middle aged men who were pretending to be teenagers.
Game On, Gamer
Video games were way sweeter – and by sweeter, I mean dumber. C’mon...Street Fighter II? Mortal Kombat? The laughably tedious Myst? Who needs ultra realistic war games when you have Ultimate Fatalities?
Take Me to the River
Admit it: Watching a Big Mouth Billy Bass sing on your degenerate neighbor's rec room wall will always be way more entertaining than watching an actual human being sing on YouTube.
Open Up Your Magic Eye
Back in the day, Winamp visualizations and Magic Eye posters were all we needed to entertain ourselves for hours on end. Best of all, tripping out on ‘em was way cheaper than tripping out on actual drugs (and infinitely less illegal!).
Smells Like Teen Spirit
The biggest musical trend of the 1990's? Grunge. The biggest of the 2000's? Boy bands. Advantage: 1990's.
You Got it, Dude!
The Olson twins knew their place...as adorable little imps, not billionaire taste makers. I’m sorry, dude, but the words “Michelle Tanner” and “style icon” do not belong in the same sentence.
I Can Hear You Now
Cell phones were ridiculously large. And as we all know, everything's funnier when it's bigger than it’s supposed to be. (It’s a fact; look it up.)
The Simpsons Were Still Good
Now, the show's an exercise in seeing how many times Homer could fall down in 30 minutes (not to mention packing in as many horrible celebrity cameos as possible). In the 90’s, though, it was an exercise in sweet, absurd comedy (i.e. putting Steve Allen’s face on the world’s largest Pog).
Any other reasons why Y2K should have wiped out our civilization? Let me know in the comments, or tell me @Bornferal!
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