There’s a good chance that the reason you’re currently reading this is to kill some time. That’s fine, time needs to be killed. It’s like the Ebola virus. But maybe you’re killing some time waiting for your favorite TV show to come on. And maybe… just maybe, that show falls under the genre of “reality television”. Well God help you, my friend, God help you. “But Daniel Ramos, reality TV isn’t so bad” you might be saying (and my last name is Dominguez, you racist). But really Reality TV… not so bad? Heh. Ha ha. Ha ha ha! HA HA HA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Reality TV is a plague, started in the 70’s and designed to pollute our minds by setting our brain-lakes aflame (lakes were catching on fire during the Carter administration, ask your parents about it). Lest you find yourself brimming with disbelief at these statements, I can prove why it is so awful with The Ways in Which Reality Television Is Making You And Society Worse:
Squeezing Out Scripted TV
People often refer to reality TV as a “guilty pleasure”. Well, the reason you feel guilty is because it’s wrong. Cheap, easy to make reality TV has been squeezing out potentially amazing scripted television because good TV is hard to make, and shows that start rocky often need time to find their footing. But now it’s more fiscally feasible to just scrap any shows that don’t jump out of the gate with amazing ratings and replace it with “Looking for Love in a Retirement Home” or something (actually, that’s a good one, don’t steal it).
Squeezing Out Informative Television
Once upon a time (the expression, not the show on ABC) there was a channel called “The Learning Channel”. You could flip over to it and, you know, learn things. But ever since the rise of trash television, take a look at it’s programming: Cake Boss. Say Yes to the Dress. 19 Kids and Counting. Did you get a good look? Do you feel particularly “learned” now? The channel now goes by TLC, and I think the reason why is similar to that rumor about Kentucky Fried Chicken changing its name to KFC because legally they were no longer serving chicken. That’s the deal with TLC. You isn’t learning (sorry about that grammar error, I was just watching TLC).
Enabling The Wretched
In the past, when someone was having personal problems, people would help them. Okay, maybe I’m giving us too much credit, but we at least wouldn’t shove a camera in their face. Now, however as soon as some sad soul starts sucking on computer duster in public, a low rent producer can’t help but get dollar signs in his eyes.
This Guy Is On The History Channel
Yeah, ha ha, the answer is aliens, I know. That meme was pretty funny. Here’s the thing, though… THAT GUY WAS ON THE HISTORY CHANNEL. And it wasn’t as a part of the History Channel’s “Worlds Most Laughable Fake Scientists” special, either. They presented him a knowing wink while saying “Maybe this guy’s on to something?”
It Makes a Mockery of the Word “Reality”
These shows do not portray “reality”. They portray a reality that is somehow both vastly more active, and yet infinitely more dull than our own. Every episode of the Kardashians features a sentence like “It was going to destroy our family until I made a fifteen second phone call, and then everything was fine.”
Makes Everything a Competition
Top Chef, Project Runway, Cupcake Wars. Formerly benign activities are being transformed into hyper aggressive competitions that will feature at least one contestant uttering the phrase “I’m not here to make friends.” Why can’t cook, or sew, or bake for God’s sake without worrying about how we’ll be judged afterwards?
Tabloid Fodder
Just think, in a world without reality TV, it’d be a world without super market tabloids being the most irritatingly-readable things on the shelves. And that would be good, because that stuff is trash! If only we lived a world where the headline read “STARS! They’re Just Like US! They’re Unemployed”…
What else is cultural poison? Let us know in the comments!
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