7 Body Parts I’m Glad Humans Don’t Have

Daniel Dominguez

Body parts; we got ‘em, you want ‘em! Wait… that’s not right. Well, anyway, people generally come with standard body parts. Sure, there are some variations, but there’s a small general pool that we draw from in the “incubation stage”. And that’s good! But, as someone who generally has too much time on his hands, I’ve thought of body parts I’m glad we don’t have. So, here now, are the 7 Body Parts I’m Glad Humans Don’t Have:

 

An Extra Head

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I've heard what comes out of my head, trust me. It's annoying. Plus, it creates all sorts of logistical problems. Do the heads have the same taste in things? If not, are they just arguing all the time, or have they learned to peacefully co-exist?

 

Mug Hands

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At first glance, you probably thought "I like coffee/tea, that seems convenient." But do you like other liquids? Maybe water, or juice? You can't have a mug of those! You need a much bigger drinking container, maybe tumbler hands, or pint-glass hands. Also, it would be probably be a touch (get it?) difficult living your life with no fingers.

 

Branches

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I have a lot of big trees in my neighborhood, and whenever the wind picks up, branches get ripped off and blow all over the place. i'm just not crazy about limbs that can be torn off by some bad weather.

 

Teeth In… Unfortunate Places

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Take a guess why this would be bad (though, handy if you need to chew two things at once).

 

The Clapper

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I imagine you would have to pay a royalty fee, and that doesn't seem fair. To have to pay money, just because a copyrighted piece of fad technology grew on your body. Also, you'd probably burn threw batteries if you actually used the thing.

 

All Sorts Of Faces

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Imagine meeting someone who was white, but they had an extra face that looked like it was a black guy. Or a Latino woman. That would be weird and unsettling. Now imagine what it would be like to be the man/woman with the multi-faced head. We already dealt with the logistics issues outlined in "Extra Head", but there's something just creepy about the idea fo someone having another face on roughly the side of their head.

 

Penguin Wings

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It would just be cruel to give humans, who have long dreamed to fly under their own power, the wings of a flightless bird. CRUEL IRONY! WHY???????

 

What parts are you glad we don’t have? Let us know in the comments!

 

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