Do you find you’ve been stuck in a social rut? You’re going out all the time, but you’re somehow not having fun at fun things? Maybe you’re doing parties wrong. You have to be strategic about your interactions, lest the wrong person suck you into a conversation and waste your precious nighttime hours. Here are some tips on people to avoid at all costs.
Somebody’s Younger Cousin
Your friend will introduce you to his younger cousin, but do not fall into the trap of asking this person questions about himself. Younger Cousin will be so excited to have made a friend outside of The Cousin That’s Your Friend, he will glom onto you for the rest of the night. And good luck pawning this person off onto another random person; if The Cousin People Know isn’t around to be impressed, they won’t feel the need to be nice to Younger Cousin. Now he’s all yours.
The Really Cute Out-of-Towner
What are you doing? You are looking for a relationship… remember? The Really Cute Out-Of-Towner is a waste of time. I see you. It’s really just his unavailability that’s drawing you in. Stop the pattern.
Your Ex
Nothing good will come of this. You’re either going to end up going home with your ex, or you’re going to go home alone and sad, wishing you had said anything other than what you ended up saying. Or you’ll punch this person, and you’ll become the person other people shouldn’t be talking to at a party. There is no such this as a polite conversation with your ex that you won’t later analyze to death!
Anyone Wearing A Horizontal Headband
Ugh. Go away, Horizontal Headband Chick. The headband isn’t fulfilling its function of holding back hair, and it is therefore irritating everyone around her in her overt attempt at uniqueness. Please don’t indulge this person with any more attention than she has already demanded via her accessory positioning choices.
The Crying Person
The Crying Person shouldn’t be at this party. I know you want to be nice and ask what’s wrong, try to help, show compassion, but really, this person needs to GO HOME. There won’t be an end to the crying, and once you get involved, it’s extremely difficult to extricate yourself from the situation without looking like a jerk. If you see someone crying, run! Run toward the fun!
A Member Of The Opposite Sex Who Is Smart, Cute, Funny, Nice, And Heterosexual
These people are so rare. If you see one, it’s best to avoid him/her entirely… because he/she is probably a Cyborg or a figment of the Mirror of Erised. Save yourself!
Who else would you recommend we stay away from at parties? Let us know in the comments!
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