5 Animals That Need Their Own Week

Charley Feldman

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s, “Shark Week”. We get it. But if you already live your life like it’s Shark Week, theoretically, when it is Shark Week, does life still have meaning? I propose we have other animal weeks so that while we’re living like it’s Shark Week, we’re learning something new. Ugh! What?! Science!

Manatee Week

My roommate in college’s best friend’s brother’s classmate’s chiropractor once told him that his sister-in-law’s barista’s neighbor’s son once went on a school trip on a boat in Virginia Beach. Suddenly the class noticed there was a manatee off the side of the boat, just hanging out. Some wild and crazy kid, in his infinite wisdom, decided it would be funny to just jump off the boat and onto the manatee and ride it into the sunset. But, as he hit the water and onto what he thought was the manatee’s back, he ripped through the animal and into it’s squishy rotting remains. Turns out the manatee was dead the whole time and its bloated body remained intact as it decomposed. The boy was swimming in dead manatee and puked all over himself when someone yelled, “Oh the hu-manatee!” off the side of the ship. True story?

Let that be a lesson to you. But yeah, manatees are great and poor horny sailors thought they were shell boobed mermaids.

I’d hit it.

Corgi Week

The real true story is that I’ve been pitching a gallery about the internet’s favorite canine since I was hired and this is my only victory in bringing that sort of stubby legged joy to you the reader. HA! I win.