Billionaire To Clone Dinosaur And Make His Own Jurassic Park?!

Mikey McCollor

Every great film asks a question not of its characters, but of the audience. In Citizen Kane, we were asked what moments make up a man's life. In The Searchers we were asked if a man's sanity is a fair price to pay for a society. And in Jurrassic Park, we were asked if man should make dinosaurs.

And the answer was no, man. No. Don't create dinosaurs.
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But multi-billionaire Clive Palmer doesn't give a crap about all of that — he's been talking to the team who cloned Dolly the sheep a few years back about working their peculiar brand of science on dinosaurs. Palmer, you see, is building a 5 star resort in Australia an wants to have a free-roaming dinosaur on the grounds for his patrons to look at and not at all get eaten by.

"We're known for our decorum and self-restraint."
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I should also point out that Palmer is the guy who is rebuilding the Titanic. The Titanic. Dawg, that ship is going to SINK. I mean, things ended almost as badly in Titanic as they did in Jurassic Park! Palmer is either willfiully ignorant of movies or has less foresight about dangerous situations than that businessman who hired Bane in The Dark Knight Rises.

"I consider myself a team player."
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Of course, it would be rad to see a real-life dinosaur, but let's have scientists with noble intentions make it, not a mogul looking to increase his bottom line. Movies resonate with us because they give us a good does of Old Testament-style morality. Don't play God or sh*t is gonna go down. At this point, I can only pray that Clive Palmer stumbles upon this very article and follows this link to the Jurrassic Park trilogy on iTunes. It sucks that iTunes only offers them as a set, but if downloading Jurassic Park 3 is what it takes for Clive Palmer to see the first one, then so be it.

"I can only recommend this movie if it saves the lives of wealthy, Australian tourists."
- Roger Ebert, 2001, Chicago Sun Times
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Would you risk going to this dinosaur resort? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

 

Check out Dinosaurs I Want to Give the Commencement Address at my College!