To be honest, most items in The Legend of Zelda are useless. You get them in one dungeon, you use it to stun the boss, and then you use the sword, your only real item, to defeat him. But some are exceptionally useless.
Climbing device number one
Every Zelda game gives you some sort of claw—be it a Ocarina's hook shot, Wind Waker's grappling hook, or Twilight Princess' single clawshot—that is just set up for the real money—the longshot, cel-shaded hookshot, or double clawshot. Every minute you spend with these items is like the first ten minutes of a superhero origin movie. We're just counting minutes until the real show begins.
I also like that the Twilight Princess producers didn't know where to go after "clawshot", so when it came time to make the leveled up version of it they were just like "f*ck it, give him two. I gotta make all the decisions around here?"
Hover Boots
Let me get this straight—you want to ruin the game's controls so that Link can go a little bit farther than he could by jumping? That's like throwing away a sausage, peperoni, and mushroom pizza because it's not a sausage, peperoni, mushroom, and extra cheese pizza.
Mirror Shield
Um, mirror shield? Do you understand the point of a shield?
Deku nuts
You can tell an item has no place in your epic adventure when airlines hand it out so their brainless passengers have something to mindlessly chew on while the plane takes off.
Slingshot
When you get the slingshot, you use it to stun enemies before you attack them with your sword. Maybe half a temple later, when you get the boomerang, you use that to stun enemies before you attack them with your sword. So the slingshot is a DUPLICATE of a USELESS item. It's starting to read like Link could probably defeat Gannondorf with just a sword. By picking up all these unnecessary items, he basically becomes a homeless man. I wouldn't be shocked if the inventory screen in the next Zelda game was designed like a shopping cart.
Which item do you think is the most worthless? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
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