Listen, I don't ask a lot from life—I just want all my favorite foods all the time. None of this nonsensical "trying out new resteraunts" and "breaking out of the monotony" garbage. There are six foods that I could do nothing but eat all day, every day. Forever:
Zuccini muffins
Let's get this out of the way up front—zuccinis are gross. But dawg, you bake that into a muffin? Man, that is going to be a SOFT muffin. Were talking like soft-spot-on-a-newborn-baby's-head soft.
A fine sush
Sushi is seriously one of the all time greatest foods. It's like, you know how there's not really a BAD episode of Breaking Bad, and each one is just as awesome as the last? That's what sushi is like for me—always fantastic. That said, I have completely, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT avoided 7/11 sushi, which would be like a gold medal-winning Olympic runner wearing lead shoes—something you only do if you want to end your perfect record.
Tacos
Tacos are basically the best food of all time, be they ground beef, steak, chicken, or carnitas. To be honest, I've never had a fish taco. Maybe someday I'll try one.
GOOD GOD fish tacos
I literally stopped writing long enough to go order a fish tacos, and JESUS why do they even MAKE other tacos? Oh my GOD. I'm going to retroactively remove regular tacos from as a food I could eat everyday and replace it with, I don't know, uh, hummus. Is hummus actually good? Whatever, it doesn't matter, so long as non-fish tacos are gone.
Chips and a fine, FINE dip
You ever have a moment with chips and dip where you open the bag and ALMOST INSTANTLY 80 percent of the bag is gone and you're kind of sick and there's dip all over your fingers? If not, you've never LIVED, my friend. You have never LIVED.
Popcorn anything
Shrimp and chicken are good and all, but once they go through whatever mythic process to make them "popcorned", all bets are off. I LITERALLY don't know how to stop eating it. Like, I miss appointments and break promises to continue eating popcorn shrimp. I told my little brother I'd pick him up from soccer practice tonight and the only way he's not walking home is if I run out of cocktail sauce.
We hope it made your day a little more tasty. Be sure check out the Ahh-Giver app on Facebook to send your friends a funny message and a Coke.
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