Sorry, Michelle Obama, but lazy kids gon’ be lazy kids. Mandatory gym class is so unfair – we get graded on our athletic abilities? No matter how many times I study the ground as I’m trying to get closer to it for a push up, I’m still not going to have learned the art of pushpry, and my GPA will be lowered as a result. In the name of righteous indignation, here are some other reasons why gym class is the worst.
You End Up Looking Smelly
No matter how hard you try not to sweat, you’re going to end up leading with your stench after gym class. Gross. No amount of hair straightening can fix that plastered-to-the-face stringiness, and you are not a refugee, so you are not taking a shower in those showers. Guess the only solution is to get a doctor’s note out of class.
When Will You Ever Need To Run That Far?
Seriously though, with the advent of TaxiMagic and Uber, you don’t even need to run to catch a cab these days. Unless you’re training for a marathon and can post pix and times all over your Facebook wall (and make friends come support you with Gatorade!), running is a huge waste of time. And it makes my throat hurt.
That Awkward Moment When The Next Class Is Coming In And You’re Not Done
As long as we’re on the subject of running, I don’t understand how everyone else manages to run the mile in the time that they do. Nor how the teachers could time it out so poorly that the other class would undoubtedly be walking in as we…er… I was finishing. Ugh. Please don’t cheer that person on; it’s patronizing.
Locker Room Comparisons
We didn’t ask for this, but somehow we’ve found ourselves nearly naked in front of our peers at the most judgmental point in our formative years. If anyone does happen to have a good body, I guarantee you he/she did not achieve this aesthetic in gym class. The biggest lesson I took away from my physical education was that I should really start shopping at Victoria’s Secret because everyone else seems to like their products.
Written Tests On The Rules Of The Game
I really think gym teachers just enjoy using red pens and screwing with us. No one cares about the obscure rules of badminton, except badminton players who prove their knowledge on the court. Besides, we have to have something to ask the cute guy/girl in the sports bar about, amirite?
Distinct Possibility Of A Ball To The Face
Mandating harm’s way is a violation of our rights. We should start a protest. Let’s call it Occupy The Hallway, and we’ll all just hang out outside the gym instead of passively going along with the system. Best case scenario: we’re largely ignored.
Why else is gym class the absolute worst? Let us know in the comments!
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