Group projects can be the worst or the best, depending on if you were assigned random classmates or if you got to carefully cultivate your scholastic ecosystem. If you’re lucky enough that A) you have a teacher nice enough to let you choose your platoon and B) you don’t feel particularly beholden to the smelly kid (everyone else got over their guilt, why can’t you?), you can easily stack the deck in your favor. Here are the best types of people to snag for a group project.
The Hermione
Obviously. The Hermione will do all the work and still leave time to explain to you what it was that she did so you won’t derp in front of the class. Plus, she’s gonna grow up to be a total babe, so start putting in your time now.
The Salesperson
Every group needs one person who’ll ultimately be able to sell the presentation to the teacher. Ask around to figure out who’s selling Cutco knives after school, buy some of his knives to get in his good graces, and if necessary, threaten him with the knives if he doesn’t join your team. (Actually, don’t do that last part; it isn’t worth it because everyone else will be too scared to work with you.)
Someone You’re Attracted To
You will work hard for this person, and you will like it. Your hair falls in this really cute way when you’re hunched over a secondary source. Also, a recent Cosmo poll said “research skillz” are highly attractive to members of the opposite sex.
Someone Who’s Attracted To You
For the same reasons outlined above. Doesn’t matter if you like him/her back, in fact, it’s almost better if you’re hard-to-get for the duration of the project. You need to maintain interest through the creation of the bibliography.
The Informant
You have to get one of those kids that talks to the other class about what worked for their projects when they presented last quarter. This person will socialize until she finds you guys an angle, saving a lot of time and mental energy. What’s more important: learning all the knowledge? Or learning how to learn efficiently?
Someone Whose Relative Recently Died
People whose relatives have died recently get a free pass. So when someone in the group inevitably doesn’t have their crap together, you’ll all be able to use Sad Sam as an excuse-- Sad Sam was going to do that part of the project. You were going to just bail him out and absorb his contribution, but you were too busy sitting shiva. (Bonus if this is also the person you’re attracted to!)
What other types of people would you want involved in your group project? Let us know in the comments!
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