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Campaign season is barreling towards the final Boss Battle. With the outcome far from KO’d, lets take a moment to think about what an America would be like with much beloved video games running, and double jumping for office.
Bowser
Pro: In these Tough Economic Times ™, Bowser is a job creator. It seems like the entire kingdom works for him either in his castles, dungeons, or the various, environmentally questionable, pipelines.
Con: Stealing princesses is generally frowned upon amongst female voters. Come to think of it, there doesn’t seem to be a Mrs. Bowser to make him more palatable to that demo either. But be does have those half-wit koopalings and his nepotism knows no bounds.
Samus Aran
Pro: Samus has been a badass since day one. Her reveal as a lady in Metroid was historic and her presidency would be likewise. Plus with all her bounty hunting skills her foreign relations experience is second to none.
Con: May crawl into a ball in times of stress to outwit her antagonists.
Donkey Kong
Pro: Family man and snappy dresser. Really into lifting barrels and doing p90x.
Con: He often goes, BANANAS! AHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
Master Chief
Pro: He has a strong military background and Commander and Master Chief sounds bitchin’.
Con: He’s a little too mysterious. We’ve never seen him without the mask and there’s a strong campaign championed by Donald Trump that believe he was born on another planet.
Kirby
Pro: Kirby is the common man. He’s the epitome of mass consumerism in that he consumes everything in mass.
Con: Never wears pants.
Who would you vote for? Let me know on Twitter or leave a comment below!
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