Robert Pattinson Voted Sexiest Man Alive

Daniel Dominguez

Known for being attractive in a vulnerable way that makes you feel like he'd start crying while he was taking off his pants to have sex with you, Robert Pattinson swept Glamour Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive awards, by earning one.


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Robert Pattinson, if he were a dog.
(source)

Indeed, the celebrity obsessed cultural swamp that is Perez Hilton reported that Robert Pattinson beat out a bevvy of attractive famous men for the sexiest man alive crown, including Benedict Cumberbatch, Nicholas Cage, Forest Whitaker, and popular U.S.Senate contrarian Joseph "Joe" Lieberman.


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Yet another man Robert is sexier than.
(source)

Team Jacob fans are likely heart broken that Robert Pattinson has captured the title two years in a row, while Taylor Lautner rests all the way down at number seven on the list. But this is only because Taylor Lautner is exactly seven times less attractive than Robert Pattinson.


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Pictured above: Taylor Lautner getting ready for a night on the town.
(source)

Will being voted sexiest man alive be enough to save Robert's relationship with internationally celebrated dullard Kristen Stewart? The track record of failing relationship being saved by one or more members of that relationship being voted sexiest alive is almost 100%, so their odds are good, but only time will tell.


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Kristen Stewart, having an orgasm for money.
(source)

Are you sexier than Robert Pattinson? Why? Let us know in the comments below!

 


Check out People Robert Pattinson Should Go Out With Now!

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