When the iPhone 5 was released last week, every previous iPhone from the 4S and previous became a useless, squat, ugly peice of garbage. The new iPhone 5 is so gorgeous to look at and light to hold and simple to kiss that I have found myself willing to do anything — like, ANYTHING — to get one.
Wouldn't you?
(source)
Here are some of the more shameful things I'm willing to admit I would do if someone would give me an iPhone 5.
Tell a young dreamer he's never going to make it in the major leauges
Sure, it'll break this kid's heart, but maybe giving up on baseball early will lead him to a career in software developement. Maybe he'll develop the next great app for my new iPhone 5.
Kidnap an old man who has a wife who really loves him
You know the kind of couple I'm talking about. The kind of couple who met while one of them was dating the wrong person and needed to be convinced to follow not their head but their HEART, leaving a jilted ex-lover in their wake. The kind of couple who came from different classes and had to give up their family, thier fortune, their WORLD for love. The kind of couple who had to fight DESTINY ITSELF to stay together.
That's right, I would kidnap one half of that epic, tragic couple and leave the other one broken and alone if someone would get me an iPhone 5. Are you paying attention, jilted ex-lover from the first example?
Spit in the pastor's ice cream
He'll never know I did it. But I'll know, and I'll be reminded of the guilt every time I use that beautiful 4 inch diagonal screen powered by an A6 processor. Somehow, I think I'll manage.
Throw a pie at a highly respected member of society, like the mayor, or comptroller
I want an iPhone 5 so bad that I am willing to subject a man to the kind of embarrassment that could RUIN him.
Say I'm gonna bring cups to the party and then not bring any cups and act real smug about it
Sure, this will almost certainly turn everyone at the party against me. But what the hell am I ever gonna need parties for again? I've got an iPhone 5. And since everyone at the party is going to be jealous and was therefore going to hate me anyway, this is actually the easiest way to get an iPhone 5.
Besides paying full price for it, of course, but JESUS I would never do that.
Throw a baby off a bridge
Now will SOMEONE give me an iPhone 5 already?!
What would you do for an iPhone 5? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out The Biggest Surprises of the iPhone 5 Announcement!
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