The internet rules our life. Cats rule the internet. Ipso facto, cats rule us all. Here are the 10 most influential cats of 2012, please give them your full attention and squees
10. Shishi Maru
Shishi Maru, not to be confused with internet mega-cat (redundant) Maru, Scottish Folded into our hearts in 2012. This cat thinks he’s people. Don’t be us Shishi Maru, we are a corrupt and fickle species. Just be you.
9. Henri The Existential Cat
Henri looks at his water dish not as half full or empty but as the entirety of his imprisoned reality both incomplete and bursting with the futility breath. He purrs not for pleasure but because it reminds him that he is alive.
8. The Orvillecopter
Orville was so loved in life that he became a legend in death. His owner immortalized his memory by turning him into a remote controlled helicopter. I plan on doing the same thing to my Nana when she dies, she always wanted to travel more.
7. Anakin
Anakin is a badass little kitten who may not possess a pelvis or back legs but lets nothing get in his way. Makes you think twice about calling someone a pussy…cat, unless they’re being a total boss like Anakin. Then pussy cat away!
6. Hank The Cat For Senate
During this contentious and never ending election season, one candidate attacked the competition, eviscerated it and then set it on America’s doorstep as a gift of his patriotism. That candidate was Hank, and he is a cat; a cat that won 3rd place in the Virginia senate race. He would have won too if it wasn’t for his controversial fiscal platform and his notorious catnip scandal.
5. Rupert The Giant Maine Coon
Rupert is the biggest domestic cat in the world, and he’s not even done growing. At twenty pounds and counting he is a monstrous ball of fur capable of consuming worlds and blocking television sets with impunity.
4. Venus
I don’t understand people sometimes. Obviously this cat should have been named after David Bowie. Totally wasted opportunity. But a gorgeous specimen of chimerism.
3. Lil Bub
Regardless of what religion (if any) you subscribe to, Lil Bub is proof enough to me that the cosmos has a sense of humor. Until I see him in person I’m convinced there’s some photoshop malarkey afoot. But until that day when my restraining order is up for review, my life is a better place with that little freak in it.
2. Colonel Meow
If this were a personal list and not a list I do FOR THE PEOPLE, Colonel Meow would be #1 as he rules my heart with an iron paw. How can you not give him your undying allegiance? We are all dangled string dancing for Colonel Meow’s amusement.
1. Grumpy Cat
A cat comes along once in a generation to unite the us and lead us through the wilderness. People are asleep. They think the world didn’t end on the 21st when in fact it was Grumpy Cat who saved us all. We owe him more than we’ll ever know or ever repay. Also, he totes looks like Jeremy Renner.
Which cat won your heart this year? Let me know in the comments!
Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter or Colonel Meow will send in the drones.
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