How come parents have all the money? It’s not fair. The problem is, parents probably don’t actually mind giving you their money, they just want to feel like they’re being good parents in teaching you the value of “hard work” and “fiscal responsibility.” Ugh. We should band together to figure out ways in which to craftily siphon it off them like desert nomads accessing governmental power lines. Google it. Here are some ways you can try to beg your parents for money that might be weird enough to work.
Stand Outside Their House With A Sign
Like Ace Of Base described, the sign will open up their eyes -- it’s a harbinger of what's to come if you don't have a solid monetary foundation to build upon. Your sign doesn’t have to say explicitly “Need $$$;” even an advertisement for “Harry’s Rug and Upholstery” can elicit the intended sympathy when twirled with a certain panache.
Do That Street Seller Scene From Oliver!
“Who will buy my sweet red roses, two blooms for a penny?” Umm, your parents! Not only will they feel obligated to pay you for the roses [you picked from their garden], but also they'll be reminded that you were participating in plays for their enjoyment when you could have been working a part-time job.
Say You’ll Be Their Best Friend You’ll Do Anything They Want
Parents want nothing more than to ultimately transcend the parent-child relationship and become your best friend. Tell them, “I’ll be your best friend I’ll do anything you want,” and they’ll believe it. They’re not jaded like the rest of us recent grade-school cafeteria grads.
After Washing Their Car
Catch your parent in the driveway right when they’re coming home from work. They won’t be able to deny your window scraper/suds routine. You’ll then have just cause in asking for compensation for the Deluxe Hand Wash.
Be A Total D*ck
If you play up the dickish aspects of your personality to their full extent, your parents will have no choice but to give you enough money to move out and pay rent on your own. Yup, that’s the only possible outcome from calling your mom the C-word. (Of course, in this instance, the “C-word” is “craven,” meaning “lily-livered.”)
Start a Ponzi Scheme
I’m not sure how Ponzi Schemes actually work, but it seems feasible to make a lot of money off conning your parents and all their friends into investing in a fictitious money-making financial thing. You are an entrepreneur! You show initiative! Whatever, they force us to pay into Social Security.
What are some other creative ways you can beg your parents for money? Let us know in the comments!
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