Dead family members are par for the course if you’re a super hero. While many lose wives/girlfriends in the course of their battle with evil (this has been dubbed the “Women in refrigerators” trope), the loss of their parents are often what spurs them into wearing tights and fighting crime (unlike the rest of us, who just wear the tights for the sake of comfort) in the first place. BUT WHAT IF?! What if those heroes had never lost their parents? I have some theories…
Hal Jordan
His parents death in a plane crash led to him becoming a reckless and headstrong fighter pilot, which is how he ended up getting the Green Lantern ring originally. What if his parents had lived? Well, he would have lacked the free spirit and courage that attracted the Lantern ring, so he’d probably be piloting a commercial 747 for Virgin Atlantic right now. The plus side? No Ryan Reynolds movie.
Superman
The whole "exploding home planet" thing was the impetus for Superman’s parents sending him to Earth in the first place, so we know he’d still be living on an unexploded planet, with totally happy parents. Of course, Earth would be destroyed, because he’s bailed us out a ridiculous number of times, but what’s a ruined Earth if it means Kal-El can have a happy childhood.
Spider-Man
I mean, if his dorky scientist parents hadn’t died, he still would have been in school, which is where he got bitten by the spider that gave him his powers, so things would probably be the same. He may have even still inadvertently gotten his Uncle Ben killed. Sorry Spidey, things still turn out crummy!
Iron Man
ANOTHER plane crash death, Tony Stark didn’t get along with his dead, who was a cold, distant drunk. LIKE FATHER LIKE SON! Again, he probably would’ve ended being the same as he did with dead parents, because his parents were pretty crappy.
Magneto
His parents died in the holocaust, which means if they had lived that wouldn’t have happened, so… y’know, that would be pretty great.
Wolverine
His claws popped after watching his Father die, which pushed him into his very first berserker rage. Then, his mother shot herself out of guilt, because it was her lover who killed Logan/James’ father. If none of that had happened? He’d still be the best at what he does, only what he does would probably now be a security goon for Monsanto (he’s still got claws in his skin, after all).
Batman
The king of dead parents! After watching the death of his parents, he ended up using his wealth to fight crime and try to fix his broken city. If they hadn’t died? To be honest, he’d probably be some horrible rich guy, with secret chemical weapons plants in Syria, who’s spending millions on de-regulating industry so that small towns get cancer from his dirty industrial plants. Sorry Batman, we’re better off with your dead folks.
MY PARENTS ARE DEEEEEEEAD! Let us know in the comments!
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