Whenever anyone buys a car, their dealer gives them a rundown of its features, from power steering to anti-lock brakes to fabric protection (Which is not a real thing. You got taken. I'm sorry.) But one feature auto dealers never mention is the backseat: the thing is a giant trash can. And what you fill said giant trash can say a lot about who you are as a human being. Here's what the trash in the backseat of your car tells your fellow passengers about you.
Fast food wrappers
A back seat full of fast food leavings implies you're a person too busy to sit down and enjoy a nice meal. But eating is one of humanity's most BASIC needs. Remember, you're a human being first, and a businessman, doctor, speech writer, technologist, or guy whose profession requires button-up shirts second.
A bunch of old computers
Sure, it SEEMS like a great opportunity to buy a failing business' entire set of computer monitors, but when you realize the pre-owned computer monitor market is basically nonexistent, you're stuck driving around with those things. This only means you're not experienced enough to say "no" to bad investments. So remember to only put your money into goods people have used after 1995, okay?
That means when your friend's older brother offers to sell you a box of Taxi Driver VHS tapes, go ahead and pass.
Nothing
Everyone's back seat is full of something. If those who clean the back seat of their car have a back seat full of evidence of their severe obsessive compulsive disorder.
Bratty kids
Having a back seat full of kids just means you're a parent. I mean, assuming they're your kids. Are those your kids? In any event, I'm going to go make a phone call completely unrelated to what we're talking about.
16 gallons of El Pollo Loco macaroni and cheese
So you're a man who knows what he likes and doesn't give a DAMN what anyone thinks. Fair enough, pal, you do what makes you feel good. Just keep in mind that the rest of us live in a SOCIETY, where buying that much macaroni freaks us out. I'm not saying a person who thinks driving around with this much macaroni CAN'T vote, but a person who thinks driving around with this much macaroni absolutely should not vote.
Emergency supplies
When you pack your back seat full of emergency supplies, it speaks to a deep fear within you that something is going to go wrong. If you can just be prepared for any eventuality, you'll never be hurt, and therefore never die. But you ARE going to die. We all are. Those extra supplies aren't going to make you immortal. Only defeating the beast Rag'na'rok and feasting upon his eyes can do that. But ultimately, the only way to be happy is to just live your life, try not to be afraid, avoid the dark beast Rag'na'rok, and think of every day as a gift.
What kind of trash do you have in the back seat of your car? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
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