For millions, the story of Anne Frank not only puts a human face on the tragedy but serves as inspiration, as she found positivity in the midst of a pain and suffering more terrible than any of us have ever faced. (In comparison, I wept when my wifi went out for a day.)
My torrent of Home Improvement Season 3 was at 95%.
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But one person got this whole "inspiring Anne Frank" thing backwards. While in Amsterdam this weekend, Justin Bieber took a breakto visit the Anne Frank House, where he wrote this in the guest book: "Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.” Critics (me) are calling this "the most ignorant thing a celebrity has said about a dead child since Mel Gibson said Caylee Anthony 'was totally asking for it' (citation needed)."
"Finally, someone who knows less about Jews than me."
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A lot of people think this means that Bieber believes he deserves the adulation of Anne Frank, martyred hero to millions. Fueling this fire are actual Beliebers on the Anne Frank House Facebook page, where Bieber's comment was first posted, defending him by saying that he does, in fact, deserve it. But I know that Bieber's heart is pure and strong, and he would never think such a foolish thing. Think about it: Anne Frank was born in 1929. Had she lived, she would now be 82. Doesn't Bieber's magical music appeal to all, whether young or old?
"This music is so nice I've already forgotten how many of my friends died today!"
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I can see it now. 82 year-old Anne Frank gets wheeled onstage at a Justin Bieber concert, clutching her copy of Never Say Never, quivering with excitement. "Girl," Justin says. "GiiiIIIiiIiIiirl," he croons through auto-tune. She bursts into tears, harder and happier than those she shed upon being liberated from Bergen-Belsen. "You are a unique and beautiful shining star," he says. "Check it, baby," he says, tracing the numbers tattooed on her forearm, "there's only one of you in the world." The fans cheer. "I know you're 82 and I'm 19, but age ain't nothin' but a number." At this point Justin Bieber climbs atop Anne Frank's wheelchair and begins gyrating, to the wild, shouted approval of Beliebers worldwide.
"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before beginning to improve the world." -Anne Frank, in reference to Justin Bieber
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In this alternate universe, Anne Frank's diary would no longer end with "In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart," but with "SEEING BIEBER TOMORROW OMG CAN'T WAIT!!!" I can think of no better world. Thank you, Justin Bieber.
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