Some crimes arise only out of opportunity. Like, if you came across a broken down truck positively BRIMMING with Nutella — the incredibly delicious chocolate hazelnut spread — wouldn't you just load it up into your truck and peel out? Of course you would. Don't pretend you're some sort of saint... some sort of savior.
You live with the rest of us down here in the MUD.
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It's still hard to blame the thieves who this weekend took over seven palettes of Nutella from a parked truck near Berlin, Germany. Now word yet on how this is affecting the people of Germany, but one has to imagine that there are many pieces of bread being eaten WITHOUT a creamy chocolate hazelnut spread.
PICTURED: A woman's life reaching its lowest point.
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There have been a rash of similar food thefts in the area, including a trailer full of coffee and several tons of Red Bull. So, to those thieves, I just want to say... be careful.
This is me during my junior year of college when my
diet was nothing but coffee, Red Bull, and Nutella.
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So what do you think they're doing with all that Nutella? Sure, the easy answer is that it's being sold on the black market for a slight markup, but that answer is BORING AS HELL. I like to imagine that it was stolen by a father whose little girl was turning five and wanted a Nutella-themed birthday party. She doesn't have a lot of friends, this little girl, so with the tons and tons of Nutella she's given, she builds a chocolate/ hazelnut man. Then, he comes to life, animated by, I don't know, love, and they go on FUN adventures!
And then the next day the little girl puts her new best friend on a piece of bread and eats him.
WHOA THAT STORY GOT REAL DARK REAL FAST.
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Be honest. You're totally going out to buy a bunch of Nutella now, aren't you? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
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