It’s 2011 you guys and yet many celebrities still have not joined the Twitterverse. But why? The whole point of being a celebrity is that your thoughts become more important than normal people thoughts. #WHEREMYTWEETSAT!?
I feel that we as a culture are being denied some very hilarious tweets. Here are some famous peeps who definitely need to be Tweetin' ASAP!
1. Jon Stewart
Nobody has better topical one liners. Nobody. And sure he has his “TV show” but come on J-Stew, we need our fix of political puns! #BarackMeObamadeus
2. Katie Holmes
This will never happen. In what would probably read like a message in a bottle, I have the sinking feeling all of her tweets will be subtle cries for help in 140 characters or less. It’d be like following James Caan in Misery.
3. Sasha and Malia Obama
Nobody has cornered the “that’s adorable” market on Twitter yet and these girls would be crowned immediately. Plus it would be nice to hear some white house puppy news every once in a while. It’s all “blah blah Libya blah blah economy” I want to hear what the first family thought of Hop.
4. Bruce Springsteen
The man is a crazy person these days. As evidence is the fact that he is both from New Jersey AND has a soul patch. It’s not fair that we are denied this rock stars bizarre musings. He’s the Italian Gary Busy.
5. Drew Barrymore
A well documented space cadet, Ms. Barrymore has the potential for massive retweeting. I don’t think she knows what she’s saying half the time. She could easily be ranked right up there with Kanye West and Sarah Palin. I would be surprised if we DIDN’T see Ms. Barrymore make a run for president soon.
6. Tina Fey
Maybe it’s because she’s a genius or maybe it’s just because I relate to television shows about single women in their 30s struggling to have it all, more than I do shows about men my own age, but this woman needs to be tweeting. Technically she DOES have an account that she took back from a fakester but for some reason she’s not playing. You’d think with her new book out, baby news and a booming online campaign to have her host the next Oscars, she probably has something to tell her fans. Right?
7. Joe Biden
Um, it’s Joe Biden. It would be like following your goofy uncle who makes bad, outdated jokes and shoots his fingers like guns every time someone walks into the room. Only this guy gets to negotiate international diplomacy. #HowDidThatHappen!?
8. Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi
One reason. Drunk booty-call text must at some point turn into drunk booty-call tweet. And I want to be there when it does.
9. The Queen Mother
You know how one person’s mom joined facebook and then everyone’s mom joined facebook and now your mom is on facebook so you have to take down every picture where you’re holding a red cup and pretend to like status updates like “Wegmans really DOES have everything.” Now imagine that but for the whole country. (update: I don't care if she's dead. I HAVE A POINT TO MAKE, PEOPLE.)
10. Jay-Z
And finally, JAY-Z is not on twitter! It’s just some stupid fan site. This man has his hand in everything, how is he not tweeting? I have a theory that it’s because Jay-Z is secretly a superhero that has to fly into space and fight off alien invasions. He could go by the name Captain Izzo and fly around on his Hova craft.
Who else isn't on Twitter that should be?
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