So get this…21-year-old Kyle Richards, a prison inmate, is suing the state of Michigan because it has banned him from having pornography in his cell at the Macomb County Jail. Let’s get a looksie at this fool, who is suing to get a lookie at some nookie:
He claims he suffers from 'chronic masturbation syndrome' and that not allowing him porn constitutes cruel and unusual punishment and that his civil rights are being violated. Wait...so bopping the baloney is like, an official disease now? I thought it was just a thing, you know, that everyone does...for like for fun.
But NOOO...it's way more than that for chronic shank cranker, Kyle! He says that he suffers extreme sexual discomfort and that he needs the pornography to treat his "illness.”
Oh yeah…he also needs access to video games. Sounds more like a case of extreme ballsiness to me!
Now, this is the third lawsuit filed by Richards…who obviously thinks he’s some kind of trailblazer for the rights of criminal chicken chokers. I kind of get it in a way. I mean it's probably hard to find something to fantasize about in prison...it's not like your cellmates look like this:
They look more like this, but with lots of neck tattoos:
“Sexual deprivation has been used against plaintiff in a way as to both sexually frustrate the plaintiff, deprive the plaintiff of any sort of sexual gratification, and deny the plaintiff his right to sexual reproduction," Richards wrote in his hand written brief. That boy LOVES working with his hands! And another thing...dude, that is NOT how you make babies!
Richards has just pleaded guilty to robbing a bank. I feel obligated to say that maybe that wasn’t a gun in his pocket. Maybe he was just happy to see the bank teller and was just trying to, ahem, make a deposit? I shudder to think of the custom-made gamer porn he was probably planning on buying for himself with his bank loot. Leave Princess Peach out of this, you sicko!
Luckily for Richards, after he is sentenced, he will be incarcerated in the state penitentiary, where they do allow inmates access to porn. Then he can exercise his rights all he wants.
What do you think? Should prisoners have access to porn and video games in the clink? Or is that just part of the punishment? Let’s discuss in the comments!
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