Everyone is always going on and on about how Facebook really needs to add the 'Dislike' button. And I agree a Dislike button is sorely needed, but why should we stop there? There are so many other emotions that I would like to express with the least effort possible. Here are eight Facebook buttons I'd like to see offered. Then I would just need to get the balls to use them.
The Kanye
Is someone facebragging about something awesome happening in their life? Do you feel like pissing on their parade but you don't wanna look like a total jerk? The Kanye button would let them know that you could've stolen their thunder by kicking them off their pedestal or by one-upping them with something greater that happened to you. But you didn't. Giving you the appearance of a good person while still allowing you to be an a-hole. The best of both worlds!
Sympathy Like
It's human nature to ignore people in pain who are desperately crying out for attention. (It's not just me, right?) I would like the option of liking something that says, "I see you're in pain and I'm pretty sure you must have people that care about you. I'm just not one of them." This will help absolve your guilt if they do anything crazy. You gave a sympathy like. What more could you have done without sacrificing some of your own time?
I Like The Sentiment Of Your Message, Not The [INSERT TRAGEDY HERE] Part
Aren't you sick of looking like you "like" AIDS/child abuse/or the fact that someone died? Or for that matter appearing to like the tragedy instead of the sentimental message? I think both sides would benefit by the clarity that this button would bring:
Boom Chicka Wah Wah
It would sort of be like the 'that's what she said' of buttons, turning every innocent statement into something pervy! Bonus side effect? Discouraging Facebook use of parents and elderly relatives.
I’d 'Like' To Comment But Then My Notifications Would Be Clogged With All Your Annoying Friend's Comments
You know how you have that one friend who seems to actually be friends with all 4,378 of his/her Facebook friends? This is for them. And their stupid popularity that gets me excited for notifications that have nothing to do with me.
Forever Alone Option
This will give you the option to like your own stuff as made-up 'friends,' in the hopes that it leads to real likes. It could happen.
I See What You Did There
This is not just for the pathological liars, it would also be great to use on the people who repost things you posted without giving you credit. What is wrong with those people??? Clicking this button will let the liars and the thieves know that you're on to them. And you're just biding your time until you can expose them in a spectacular way that you'll probably be too lazy to execute. But still!
I Don't Give A F**k
This is perhaps the most needed button in all of Facebookdom. I actually see this as a way of weeding out all the boring/narcissistic/pretentious stuff. Maybe people just need to be told? We don't care that you love coffee or ate food or are going to sleep now. This button is a nice way to say try again. Well I guess it isn't that nice. But do we really need to be nice when someone posts something like this:
STFU! IDGAF! I would use this button so much I just might break it.
What are some buttons you'd like to see? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
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