Yes, the commercials, trailers and billboards make "Alvin and The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked" seem like a torture device usually reserved for “Saw” movies. But the sad truth is it may not even be the worst sequel hurled at an audience like so many poisoned knives.
Highlander 2: The Quickening (1991)
Imagine if someone were to tell you a story about immortal Scotsmen and decapitation that’s so kooky yet engaging you immediately ask them to tell it to you again. So in response they declare, “Forget everything I just told you” and instead say the Scottish may in fact be aliens, anyone who got decapitated is still alive because, well, because and, oh yeah, the ozone layer is now controlled by executives and you have a movie that scored such bad reviews only an adherence to basic math prevented it from scoring less than 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (2004)
After Johnny and Baby wowed the audience with their big routine at the end of “Dirty Dancing,” naturally the first thought to pop up in everyone’s mind was, “That’s all well and good but how would this play out against the Cuban Revolution?” The answer is, “It would be the exact same movie, only with a completely different cast and far more threats of execution.”
Teen Wolf Too (1987)
Though by no means a great film, the original “Teen Wolf” starred the always charming Michael J. Fox in a unique spin on the “teenage misfit” story. The sequel, however, features Jason Bateman (through mostly no fault of his own) burying his career so deep in the ground that it almost incinerates in the earth’s core, requiring 16 years and “Arrested Development” before he could dig himself back to the surface coughing up dirt and regret.
Basic Instinct 2 (2006)
That above scene is one of the very few reasons the film’s producers could come up with to making a sequel to the original sex crime thriller. That above photo is one of the many reasons filmgoers could up with to say, “Oh dear god someone please create YouTube so we can watch endless cats and ‘Star Wars’ parodies instead.”
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
Sounding like the Broadway musical someone is eventually going to be asked to pay $200 a ticket to see, “Jason Takes Manhattan” features the title character killing high school seniors visiting the Big Apple by boat (because even the producers realized “death on a charter bus” would attract no one) while letting moviegoers truly experience what New York City would be like if it were Vancouver.
”Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace” (1999)
Some may say that “The Phantom Menace” isn’t really a sequel but rather a prequel and so doesn’t belong on this list. Others may say “The Phantom Menace” isn’t really a “Star Wars” film but rather a national tragedy that was captured against green screen. And still others may say that “The Phantom Menace” never actually existed because if we all shut our eyes real tight, place our hands over our ears and collectively go “NANANANANA I’M NOT LISTENING NANANANANA” then maybe we as a species can erase the past and, more importantly, “Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones.”
What sequels do you hate? Ley us know in the comments!
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