It's hard to believe that Street Fighter is as old as my brother now, especially because in its 25 years Street Fighter has sold tens of millions of copies and won the hearts of gamers all over the world, while my brother has just dropped out of liberal arts school and gotten into bad relationships. But not everything has gone great for the Street Fighters we all know and love. Here's where some of my favorite characters are now, 25 years later:
Chun Li
Chun Li runs one of those Oriental Gifts stores that always smell like incense where you feel racist for calling it "Oriental" even though it's in the name of the store. She hasn't sold anything other than chopsticks and small vases in the past month and is starting to get a little worried, but she knows if she can move a decorative chess set she'll be fine.
Zangief
If you're looking for Zangief, find him in any one of the many upper crust cocktail receptions he is known to frequent. No one knows what he does or how he keeps getting invited to these things, though many suspect organized crime. All anyone knows for sure is that he looks amazing in a white tuxedo coat and he never tells the same story twice.
E. Honda
E. Honda retired from sumo wrestling in 1994. He now runs a massage parlor in Manhattan, where he Hundred Hand Slaps the tension out of investment bankers' backs.
Ryu/Ken
Ryu and Ken have been missing since the day in 2002 when two suspiciously Hadoken-shaped holes were found in the wall of the Saudi royal family's vault. If you know anything of their whereabouts, please alert local and federal authorities.
Blanka
Blanka was tranquilized, captured, and biopsied by the Brazilian government moments after the events of Street Fighter 2. Their scientists reverse-engineered his electric powers and used that information to engineer a race of supersoldiers who are just now reaching the age of soldierhood. Pray to whatever god you believe in and start learning Portuguese, because the Brazilian Electro-Men are coming and they will show no mercy.
Guile
Like most veterans of the past quarter century, things went downhill for Guile after he got too old to serve in active duty. For a while he sold calendars from a kiosk in the mall, but three back injuries, a codeine overdose, and two cases of breaking & entering pharmacies later and ol' Guile was shipped off to an underfunded VA hospital in Kansas to kick his painkiller addiction cold turkey. In 2007 a Russian medical student being paid $4 an hour accidentally gave him a flu shot with a hepatitis-infected needle. He passed away two years later; a class-action lawsuit is pending.
Dhalsim
Dhalsim is a well-respected Hollywood actor known for playing Kumar Patel in the Harold and Kumar comedy films.
Where did the other characters end up? Let us know in the comments!
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