Our iPhones have become such a part of us, we develop habits around them in the same way that we pick our cuticles or touch our between-nose-and-lip area to our nose (anyone?). But unlike regular habits that are just not-great, iPhone habits, if left unchecked, can be bad for our health or even fatal. Here are some smart phone compulsions that have probably snuck up on you.
Putting Your Phone Down In Public Bathrooms
I get it. You need to go to the bathroom, and you need to put your phone down in order to do so. Maybe you hung your purse out of reach. Maybe you don’t have a purse or pockets or a nerdy phone clip. The only remaining option appears to be to place your iPhone on top of the toilet paper dispenser. Resist! You’ll either leave it there or get a bacterial infection in your cheek.
Pressing The Mail App While Waiting In Line To Buy Food
Waiting in line can be boring, and as humans of the 21st century, we feel entitled to a boredom-free life. The obvious solution to the lunchtime doldrums? Check your email while you’re waiting to order. How efficient! But such actions come at a price; you're inevitably going to open a new piece of mail just as the cashier asks what you want to eat. The promise of sustenance will prompt you to put your iPhone aside, since imminent food consumption is the opposite of boring. You’ll then forget about the message you had been reading at the time, it’ll be marked as “read” even though it won’t have been read, and you’ll forget to respond. Now someone out there hates you.
Using It Before You Eat Breakfast
If you’re one of those bedside-table chargers, you’re in trouble (and not just because you’re probably cancering yourself on a nightly basis). Upon hearing the morning alarm clock, it’s way too easy to reach for your phone to turn it off… and then not put the phone down for another hour. You’ll spiral down a rabbit hole of, “I should check Reddit before I get out of bed!” and everything will take twice as long to read on your phone than if you had gotten up and, say, opened your desktop screen. Now you’re late for work and you’re gonna get fired and have to live on the streets turning tricks for outlet access.
Trigger Finger Social Media’ing
Once you start thinking your thoughts in terms of concisely phrased Tweets, it’s all over. You’re going to want to start Instagramming every cup of coffee, tagging people on Facebook every time you have a conversation, and checking in on Foursquare when you change rooms in your home. If you didn’t broadcast that you finished the paper by staying up ALL night chuggin Red Bull & Diet Coke w/Lime, then it didn’t happen, and you’ll flunk out of school. You’ll also successfully alienate everyone who’s ever fleetingly had an interest in what’s going on in your life.
Texting While… Anything
We all know we’re not supposed to text and drive. However, the campaign should really be about the danger that arises from texting and doing anything other than sitting in a chair. If you’re texting and walking, you’ll bump into people carrying hot coffee. If you’re texting and shaving, you’ll cut yourself. If you’re texting and babysitting, you’ll drop the baby. And if nothing happens in the physical realm, you’ll look up for a second and accidentally send the F-word to your mom. Now you’re scalded, facing criminal charges for the baby-dropping incident, and possibly disowned.
Forgetting How Much You Paid For It
If we at all were able to retain that feeling we had upon seeing our bank accounts dwindle post-iPhone purchase, not a person among us would drop his/her phone. Ever. But somehow, I’m always encountering friends with cracked screens, friends posting about how they dropped their phone in the toilet, and friends who go case-less because it looks prettier. There should be an app that just intermittently announces, “You paid 500 bucks this! You paid 500 bucks for this!” all day. Over the course of your lifetime, you’ll probably spend a zillion dollars replacing your Apple products. That’s like, indentured servant money. Think about that next time you hold your phone with anything less than reverence.
What other iPhone habits might ruin your life? Let us know in the comments!
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