I am not what one would call a gourmet. Not a gastronomical engineer nor a culinary specialist. My meals are usually ordered through a speaker in a clowns head of some sort.
I decide that I need to learn how to cook, bake, or at the very least make food hot in preparation for consumption. To that end I hit the grocery store and searched for a home made meal that wouldn’t tax my limited skills. I settled on fish sticks , best not to set the bar too high.
I got the fish sticks home and remebered that I needed tartar sauce. Whats in that anyway? Just mayo and pickles and some other stuff right, I can make that. I took the sticks out and read the directions on the box, heat in oven for bla bla bla.
I was already bored and thought that the crux of cooking was just applying heat. Who cares where it comes from, right?
That when I saw it, the toaster!
It works for pop tarts... why not this application. Why hasn’t this been done before, why not this method on the box. I think the fish people have a deal with the oven people.
Now onto the tarter sauce. A little mayo, a bit of relish and what else? I know it needs something else.
How bout those horsey sauce packets I got from Arby’s?
Something else, something crunchy. Baco bits! I love bacon, I love mayo.
Without boring you I will tell you of my findings.
1. The sauce was disgusting, although crunchy.
2. The tensile strength of fish sticks when place upright is greatly degraded. After 3 minutes, the oils in the fish turn the coating into little balls and the integrity of the whole stick is compromised.
3. When the sticks are cooked into a toaster said toaster is never the same and will always reek of hot fish oil.
4. When the toaster ejects the finished sticks all that emerges are thousands of tiny hot and oily crumbs. Its like a ticker tape parade but with steaming fish balls and the toaster is ruined forever.
I have learned many things from this incident, mostly that the cooking directions on a fish stick box are there for a valid reason.
I have also realized that the new toaster that I had to buy has wider bread slots and if I place a slice of cheese between two slices of bread I can cram said sandwich into that slot.
Let us know your worst cooking disaster in the comments!
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